Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Motivation - where is my motivation these days? The weeks are so long, work is so hectic, and there are so many things to get done so that the next things can queue up for their turn in my to-do list. I don't feel like complaining and whining "I'm tired" all the time, though most of the time, I am. I also don't feel like faking it and putting on a smile everywhere I go - seems dishonest in a sense to have to manufacture a good attitude.
I know that the key is somewhere inside - the yearning for God, the inner desires to love and to be loved, etc. And I'm grateful that there's more than just what's inside of me, given that God also draws us to Himself. Probably the burden of grace is to give us the power and the desire, and our own burden is to followthrough and do the thing... Why do we fall on our part, when God is so rich on His side of things?
I'm just rambling now, but I think there's more to what Paul was talking about with "what I want to do, I don't do - and what I don't want to do, I end up doing." Isn't there also something in us that makes us not want to anything, good or bad. It's not so much that I'm doing the wrong thing or the right thing - I'm just finding myself doing nothing, and that's disheartening, isn't it?
Back to work. Perhaps a paycheck is valid motivation, or just doing a good job as unto the Lord.