Tuesday, May 06, 2003
I'm coming to some personal decisions, personal challenges, personal conundrums, and finding that I don't have all the answers. I know: that might be hard to swallow, but it's true. Rick doesn't know everything. He's still discovering God, life, his wife and kids, his workplace skills and necessary skillsets, his church and christian dynamics, etc etc etc.
I'm going to back off of some things for the next few weeks or so. A "mini-fast" from so many electronic outlets. About the only thing I'm not going to bail on is this blog - mainly because I'm using it to journal the journey anyway. There just won't be as much CNN.com reports and such; instead, look for more of an earthy and personal and heart-felt feel (I hope).
I need to spend more time in prayer than answering email on who knows how many lists. I need to read my Bible/s more than the books for various discussion lists/groups. I need to spend time talking with people face-to-face, not only keyboard-to-keyboard. I need to get to bed on time, get up earlier to enjoy the morning and God's word and a good cup of Starbucks at the kitchen table before the rugrats get up.
I'm challenged to live out the faith I'm learning about. I feel like I'm on the periphery of something profound and transforming, but I'm stretched in too many directions for any of it to be effective. So if anything, I'm looking to narrow my focus a little in order to see the Big Picture better. I don't want to be left behind, and at the same time I want to take my time moving through the newness of each morning's mercies, the sameness of Christ yesterday, today and forever. Knowhutimean?
So I'll be on hiatus from the NKOC group as they press on through SWFOI (great book - but it's bogging me down). And I'll be handing over the reins on the 1J13 group list a little, too, seeing who can keep the chatter going, filling in with posts this time, too, I'm sure. I probably won't fall off much from blogs4God (only post there once or twice a week as it is).
And I'm cutting back on my reading - I've already fallen off the wagon on my resolution to finish one book per week, and now I want to devote energy to one book at a time. Above all in my reading, I've got to give priority to scripture (don't we all?), laying a foundation for the other things I take in to grow, to make sense, to get lived out in my life.
All that and a bag of chips. I'm looking forward to it, praying that God will reveal Himself more than anything else... I'm not looking for a blessing or some mystical "now I got it!" - rather, I'm hoping to deepen the relationships, Godward and other-ward, in a way that's meaningful, lively and solid.