Tuesday, September 30, 2003
I reached over and turned off the bedside lamp before 11pm last night. I had been reading, but my heart & mind weren't into it. I wanted to forget, to move on, to stop feeling the tension of my cynicism and the evening's stress. So I went to sleep.
I fall asleep pretty fast usually, and last night was like that. I don't remember tossing and turning much before finding a good spot. I like cold sheets, and once I settle in a spot and I'm able to flip the pillow to the cold side - aaaah. Slept okay. I don't remember waking up until about 4:30am to go to the bathroom. I crawled back under the covers and crashed hard for another hour or so. I don't dream much, and when I do it's usually not that earthshaking - worse thing is usually dreaming I'm waking up, going to work and doing a full day, and then finding out it was a dream and I still have to get up and go to work.
Anyway, all that rambling is to say that I did get a good night's sleep, that I didn't dream alot, that I feel fairly good this morning (no coffee yet, but I'll manage). My heart is still heavy with a jumble of thoughts & ideas & criticisms from last night - but that's mainly me, I think. It's my check on my integrity, my check on my conscience, my check on being holy as Christ is holy. I'm looking today for more obedience than understanding, for more faith in the midst of doubt.