Sunday, November 30, 2003
I hate it when sappy prime time TV does this to me. I won't bore anyone with the details, but tonight's COLD CASE... hurt. The episode is titled "Fly Away" - catch it on reruns if you need. I don't want to see it again.
Very well made, well acted, well put together. A little girl died - because her mother had nowhere else to turn. No father to take care of her, and only pain from the social service worker. In her own spiral, trying to protect her little girl.
No one on this planet will love my wife like I love her. No one will ever love my daughter with fatherly love like I will. Right now, I'm watching what I type, so that some pervert with a search engine won't look for something dispicable and find out how much... It hurts to know that there are people who are really hurting, really in need, really dying without someone to care for them. It hurts to know that there are people acting out things and taking advantage of real people. I don't want my family to be there. I don't want my kids to know what abuse feels like, what violation feels like, what rejection and betrayal looks like.
After the show, I told my wife a little about it - she'd been at the store, missed the end, needed to find out what was happening. "I don't need to hear anymore," she said. Then I left to check in on my daughter. She was asleep, curled up under her pink & blue blanket. "I love you," I whispered. "I love you, too, daddy," she whispered back as she rolled over, back to sleep.
Someday, a young man will sweep her off her feet. She'll be ready - I won't make any promises about myself. But know this - she'll know what to look for, and she will not be putting up with any junk. "I'm loved by two men - Jesus and my dad. I don't need you." With everything inside, I'll protect my kids; I'll care for them, nurture them, show them how they should go. My wife and I will be an unstoppable force in their lives, modeling for them how to love and how to be loved. They'll get attention from us, self-image from us, self-acceptance and understanding from us. And they'll learn of the love of Jesus from us.
When I went to Cleansing Streams last spring, I of course told everyone to go forward every time for ministry, healing, deliverance. But when it came to the issues of abuse and rejection, I walked outside instead of lining up for a counselor. In the sunlight of that morning, I thanked God that my daughter and son will be spared from that. I thanked Him for grace and His mercy on me, and for the empowerment to do it right. And I told Him I wanted to raise them as His children, that I'd be obedient as He led, and obedient as they feel His love flowing through my wife and I.
I meant it then, and I mean it now.