Monday, February 09, 2004
I had a thought-provoking conversation with my wife last night. She asked me a simple enough question: "So, what's God been saying to you lately?"
That's not the kind of question you blow off, at least not between friends and lovers. The kids were already in bed, it was getting late, the fireplace was warming the room, and we were both tired of watching the Grammy Awards. It's the kind of question that seldom gets asked, but it's the kind of question that doesn't need to be overused, so that's okay. I'm glad we've got the kind of friendship that can go from "what's on TV" to "what's God saying". I know too many couples who don't have that, too many friends who wouldn't know what to do or what to say at that point.
My answer was of course very vague and fairly deep: "I feel like I'm either too opinionated, or not opinionated enough." Yeah, she gave me that same look, but that's where I am spiritually and personally right now. I'm not very easily satisfied, and the things that usually are so rock solid are being challenged all the time. It's like I'm more confident that I'm doubting in the right places, than I'm confident that what I *know* might be wrong. I feel better about my questions than I do about any answers I might have.
Makes absolutely no sense to me either, but it's my lot in life right now. It's not a lot, but it's my life (where is that obscure quote/joke from?). The only piece of advice my wife offered was to read the Bible, and only read the Bible. I can't keep interest in any books, and when I have been picking up the Bible, I haven't found myself "moved", and I might've been short-changing its value in my life.
So I'm taking her up on that one, reading the Bible only for awhile. No time limit or constraint, because I'll probably pick up a book or something at any time. But my focus will be on the Bible, and I'll be trying to read it with new eyes: to get to know Him, not to find His will for me, or His presence and power for me, or His word for today. It's got to be about knowing Him right now. When all the questions and answers are broken down to their base position, it's got to be about Him.