Driven
[Let me say first that I *know* I'm not alone - it's just that in the midst of it all, the sweeping generalization makes more sense emotionally...]I did not want to get bogged down in politics this year, but was chastised on not wanting to vote. So I became one of the most politically-minded people I know - and find myself alone because I still don't want to vote and now I'm better prepared to explain why.
I try to ask more questions than give answers, and I hope I'm a good listener. That's my native tendency and worldview, I guess. But when confronted with the thought that no one knows where I stand on "the issues" and on the important things of life - and if you're not standing for something you'll fall for anything, right? - I worked hard to write out my beliefs and "my stand". Again, I find myself alone, with no one wanting to discuss what are apparently paradoxical and possibly wrong(?)views.
I occasionally post thoughts to the 1J13 email list, and I've noticed that if I post things of substance, like on forgiveness, stem cell research or the failed marriage amendment, I might get one or two responses from the others on the list. But if I ask "what color are you?" in the Tuesday3, fifteen or so responses fly back and forth. What's up with that?
I was talking to my wife the other night, and she gave me some wise thoughts to think in my contemplative mood. Am I driven to please men? Or rather, am I driven by a fear of man or what others think of me? I don't think so, but in looking at the evidence above, maybe that's at least part of it. Where I thought I was trying to do a better job of communicating, maybe I was asking folks to like me, to agree with me, to just accept me as I am... I don't know. And if I'm reacting out of a fear, is there a subsequent lack of love somewhere on my part - since love should be casting out fear in my life in Christ (1 John 4:18; 1 Peter 2:17)?